Some questions about signs of sex and love addiction
Here are some questions that have been designed to help identify possible signs of sex and love addiction. They are not meant to be used as an absolute diagnosis. Also, negative answers to these questions are not an assurance that the illness is not present. The diagnosis of sex and love addiction needs to be taken very seriously and is very private.
- Have you ever tried to control how much sex you have or how often you see someone for sex?
- Do you find you are unable to stop seeing someone even though you know that seeing this person is harmful?
- Do you feel you need to hide your sexual or romantic activities from other people in your life?
- Do you get "high" from sex and/or romance?
- Have you had sex at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places?
- Have you had sex with inappropriate people?
- Have you made promises or rules for yourself about your sexual or romantic behaviour that you find you can't follow?
- Have you had sex with someone you didn't want to have sex with?
- Do you believe that sex and/or a relationship will make your life bearable?
- Have you ever felt that you had to have sex?
- Do you believe that someone else can "fix" you?
- Do you keep a list of the number of partners you've had?
- Do you feel desperation or uneasiness when you are away from your lover or sexual partner?
- Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you've had?
- Do you feel desperate about your need for a lover, sexual fix, or future mate?
- Have you had sex regardless of the consequences (e.g. the threat of being caught; the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease)?
- Do you find that you have a pattern of repeating bad relationships?
- Do you feel that your main value in a relationship is your ability to perform sexually, or provide an emotional fix?
- Do you feel that you're not "really alive" unless you are with your sexual or romantic partner?
- Do you feel entitled to sex?
- Do you find yourself in a relationship that you cannot leave?
- Have you ever threatened your financial stability or standing in the community by pursuing a sexual partner?
- Do you believe that the problems in your love life stem from not having enough of, or the right kind of, sex? Or from continuing to stay with the "wrong" person?
- Have you ever had a serious relationship threatened or destroyed because of sexual activity outside of that relationship?
- Do you feel that life would have no meaning without a love relationship or without sex? Do you feel that you would have no identity if you were not someone’s lover?
- Do you find yourself flirting or sexualising with someone even if you do not mean to?
- Has your sexual and/or romantic behaviour affected your reputation?
- Do you have sex and/or "relationships" to try to deal with, or escape from life's problems?
- Do you feel uncomfortable about your masturbation because of the frequency with which you masturbate, the fantasies you engage in, the props you use, and/or the places in which you do it?
- Do you engage in the practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc, in ways that cause you discomfort and pain?
- Do you find yourself needing greater and greater variety and energy in your sexual or romantic activities just to achieve an "acceptable" level of physical and emotional relief?
- Do you need to have sex, or "fall in love" in order to feel like a "real man" or a "real woman"?
- Are you unable to concentrate on other areas of your life because of thoughts or feelings you are having about another person or about sex?
- Do you find yourself obsessing about a specific person or sexual act even though these thoughts bring pain, craving or discomfort?
- Have you ever wished you could stop or control your sexual and romantic activities for a given period of time? Have you ever wished you could be less emotionally dependent?
- Do you find the pain in your life increasing no matter what you do? Are you afraid that deep down you are unacceptable?
- Do you feel that your sexual and/or romantic life affects your spiritual life in a negative way?
- Do you feel that your life is out of control because of your sexual and/or romantic behaviour?
- Have you ever thought that there might be more you could do with your life if you were not so driven by sexual and romantic pursuits?